On His Cousin: My cousin likes to touch ears. He's a dentist now. It's like a fetish.
On The Anterior Fontanelle: Push on their soft spots while they're not looking. Not hard, but gently. Especially if they're less than 6 months old. You just pretend like you're stoking it, but you're really feeling around for that anterior fontanelle. Push on that baby.
On Defecation: When you think of Dr. Slaughter, think of defecation.
On Drugs: Has anyone in here done LSD?
On Sound: Anyone got those cars with 10000 watts? BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP! Blastin' some Lollipop...
On Urination: No. I should not urinate during lecture.
On Flomax: They show the old guy and he misses out on the fishin' 'cause he's gotta go to the bathroom.
On The Digestive System: What are we, but essentially a tube from the mouth to the anus?
On The Pancreas: That spongy gizmo.
On The Cremasteric Reflex: You can stroke the inner thigh with your finger and you can watch the scrotum go up or completely disappear. It's fun, you can do that for hours.
No Context: OH GEE! GROSS TO THE MAX!
On Sound (Again): ...a whisper would be around 15 decibles. It's threshold would be a Lil' Wayne concert.
On Sound (Again): ...we barely hear the baby wake up, when it's in danger from the saber tooth tiger... (Was that about sound or was that another one of his tangents that goes way into left field?)
On Drugs (Again): Y'all know what marijuana is, right?
On Phantom Pain: "Hey, Doc, my arm hurts!" "You don't have an arm." "Well it still hurts."
On Drugs (Again): ...it may decrease pressure for those with glaucoma. This is not an endorsement. (fake glaucoma = medical marijuana prescription?... DOCTOR, MY EYE...)
On Sight: I see a cow. Mooo. A cow.
On Being A High School Dance Chaperone: Their dancing is kind of different... like simulated sex. That was my job: to break them up. (leave room for the Holy Spirit, y'all)
On A Biker Bar He Saw Once: I figure it's where you catch the clap (claps) at the Texas Trap. (he LITERALLY clapped. I nearly died laughing.)
On A Video: He's got a scalpel, looks like he'll be doing some cutt- OH THERE'S SOME BLOOD!
On Life: Aging... every year gets worse... smoking's bad...
On Himself: I do have a problem. I need one of those interventions.
Those were the days...
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