Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Human Infectious Diseases #13
April 12, 2012
On Tuberculosis: People in El Paso have it.
On Tuberculosis in Airplanes: I recommend that you purchase a Scott Pack. Take it on the flight with you. It might be suspicious going through customs... (Good idea. I never like to take chances with recycled air.)
On Central Air: I encourage everyone to open the windows in the summer and the winter.
On Patient Zero: He would go from the Atlanta orgy to the New York orgy to the LA orgy. I'm exaggerating a little bit. (Slut.)
On Ghon Factors: It's like 'shields up' on the Starship Enterprise.
On Getting Free TB Treatments: Act homeless. That's what I'd do. Get free treatments...
On Onions: I don't talk about my vagina. (o_O)
On Coors Beer: You know how they have the rocky... stream where they get the water? We peed in it. I'm sure they filtered it. (Never drinking Coors. EVER. All the filtering in the world...)
Finally got a good recording device on my phone...
On Tuberculosis: People in El Paso have it.
On Tuberculosis in Airplanes: I recommend that you purchase a Scott Pack. Take it on the flight with you. It might be suspicious going through customs... (Good idea. I never like to take chances with recycled air.)
On Central Air: I encourage everyone to open the windows in the summer and the winter.
On Patient Zero: He would go from the Atlanta orgy to the New York orgy to the LA orgy. I'm exaggerating a little bit. (Slut.)
On Ghon Factors: It's like 'shields up' on the Starship Enterprise.
On Getting Free TB Treatments: Act homeless. That's what I'd do. Get free treatments...
On Onions: I don't talk about my vagina. (o_O)
On Coors Beer: You know how they have the rocky... stream where they get the water? We peed in it. I'm sure they filtered it. (Never drinking Coors. EVER. All the filtering in the world...)
Finally got a good recording device on my phone...
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Human Infectious Diseases #12
April 9, 2012
On Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: July 15th? That's coming out soon. (Yep. I predict it'll be the movie of the summer.)
On Encephalitis: What is encephalitis? It's all in your brain... (I see what you did there.)
On Toxoplasmosis: I'm sure my dog is full of it. Why is my dog full of it? Because he LOVES cat poop.
On The Green Parrot: I used to eat at a place called the Green Parrot... at night the fun thing was bats would come... you'd be eating your eggplant parmesan and bats would fly by.
On Rabies: When it progresses, that's when the fun begins.
On Rabies (Again): Don't get rabies. You were thinking it before you came to this lecture, but now you've decided against it.
On Tetanus: Cut yourself and sprinkle some Clostridium tetanin in it. I don't think you'll get it in that case. (I'd rather not...)
On Violating Someone's Anti-Inoculation Beliefs: You might not go to jail. You might get the tar sued out of ya.
On Violating Someone's Anti-Treatment Beliefs: You gonna let 'em die? Or are you gonna risk it? Slip a little blood in there...
On Easter Break: I was in Austin. Watching bats.
On His Tetanus Booster Shot: I guess I haven't had one... in a while... (Might wanna get on that.)
On Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: July 15th? That's coming out soon. (Yep. I predict it'll be the movie of the summer.)
On Encephalitis: What is encephalitis? It's all in your brain... (I see what you did there.)
On Toxoplasmosis: I'm sure my dog is full of it. Why is my dog full of it? Because he LOVES cat poop.
On The Green Parrot: I used to eat at a place called the Green Parrot... at night the fun thing was bats would come... you'd be eating your eggplant parmesan and bats would fly by.
On Rabies: When it progresses, that's when the fun begins.
On Rabies (Again): Don't get rabies. You were thinking it before you came to this lecture, but now you've decided against it.
On Tetanus: Cut yourself and sprinkle some Clostridium tetanin in it. I don't think you'll get it in that case. (I'd rather not...)
On Violating Someone's Anti-Inoculation Beliefs: You might not go to jail. You might get the tar sued out of ya.
On Violating Someone's Anti-Treatment Beliefs: You gonna let 'em die? Or are you gonna risk it? Slip a little blood in there...
On Easter Break: I was in Austin. Watching bats.
On His Tetanus Booster Shot: I guess I haven't had one... in a while... (Might wanna get on that.)
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Anatomy & Physiology 2008/2009
On His Cousin: My cousin likes to touch ears. He's a dentist now. It's like a fetish.
On The Anterior Fontanelle: Push on their soft spots while they're not looking. Not hard, but gently. Especially if they're less than 6 months old. You just pretend like you're stoking it, but you're really feeling around for that anterior fontanelle. Push on that baby.
On Defecation: When you think of Dr. Slaughter, think of defecation.
On Drugs: Has anyone in here done LSD?
On Sound: Anyone got those cars with 10000 watts? BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP! Blastin' some Lollipop...
On Urination: No. I should not urinate during lecture.
On Flomax: They show the old guy and he misses out on the fishin' 'cause he's gotta go to the bathroom.
On The Digestive System: What are we, but essentially a tube from the mouth to the anus?
On The Pancreas: That spongy gizmo.
On The Cremasteric Reflex: You can stroke the inner thigh with your finger and you can watch the scrotum go up or completely disappear. It's fun, you can do that for hours.
No Context: OH GEE! GROSS TO THE MAX!
On Sound (Again): ...a whisper would be around 15 decibles. It's threshold would be a Lil' Wayne concert.
On Sound (Again): ...we barely hear the baby wake up, when it's in danger from the saber tooth tiger... (Was that about sound or was that another one of his tangents that goes way into left field?)
On Drugs (Again): Y'all know what marijuana is, right?
On Phantom Pain: "Hey, Doc, my arm hurts!" "You don't have an arm." "Well it still hurts."
On Drugs (Again): ...it may decrease pressure for those with glaucoma. This is not an endorsement. (fake glaucoma = medical marijuana prescription?... DOCTOR, MY EYE...)
On Sight: I see a cow. Mooo. A cow.
On Being A High School Dance Chaperone: Their dancing is kind of different... like simulated sex. That was my job: to break them up. (leave room for the Holy Spirit, y'all)
On A Biker Bar He Saw Once: I figure it's where you catch the clap (claps) at the Texas Trap. (he LITERALLY clapped. I nearly died laughing.)
On A Video: He's got a scalpel, looks like he'll be doing some cutt- OH THERE'S SOME BLOOD!
On Life: Aging... every year gets worse... smoking's bad...
On Himself: I do have a problem. I need one of those interventions.
Those were the days...
On The Anterior Fontanelle: Push on their soft spots while they're not looking. Not hard, but gently. Especially if they're less than 6 months old. You just pretend like you're stoking it, but you're really feeling around for that anterior fontanelle. Push on that baby.
On Defecation: When you think of Dr. Slaughter, think of defecation.
On Drugs: Has anyone in here done LSD?
On Sound: Anyone got those cars with 10000 watts? BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP! Blastin' some Lollipop...
On Urination: No. I should not urinate during lecture.
On Flomax: They show the old guy and he misses out on the fishin' 'cause he's gotta go to the bathroom.
On The Digestive System: What are we, but essentially a tube from the mouth to the anus?
On The Pancreas: That spongy gizmo.
On The Cremasteric Reflex: You can stroke the inner thigh with your finger and you can watch the scrotum go up or completely disappear. It's fun, you can do that for hours.
No Context: OH GEE! GROSS TO THE MAX!
On Sound (Again): ...a whisper would be around 15 decibles. It's threshold would be a Lil' Wayne concert.
On Sound (Again): ...we barely hear the baby wake up, when it's in danger from the saber tooth tiger... (Was that about sound or was that another one of his tangents that goes way into left field?)
On Drugs (Again): Y'all know what marijuana is, right?
On Phantom Pain: "Hey, Doc, my arm hurts!" "You don't have an arm." "Well it still hurts."
On Drugs (Again): ...it may decrease pressure for those with glaucoma. This is not an endorsement. (fake glaucoma = medical marijuana prescription?... DOCTOR, MY EYE...)
On Sight: I see a cow. Mooo. A cow.
On Being A High School Dance Chaperone: Their dancing is kind of different... like simulated sex. That was my job: to break them up. (leave room for the Holy Spirit, y'all)
On A Biker Bar He Saw Once: I figure it's where you catch the clap (claps) at the Texas Trap. (he LITERALLY clapped. I nearly died laughing.)
On A Video: He's got a scalpel, looks like he'll be doing some cutt- OH THERE'S SOME BLOOD!
On Life: Aging... every year gets worse... smoking's bad...
On Himself: I do have a problem. I need one of those interventions.
Those were the days...
Monday, April 2, 2012
Human Infectious Diseases #11
March 27 & 29, 2012
On Safe Sex: When you're young, check out your partner's genitals.
On Osteomyelitis: Touch that foot. See it it's warm. If you're mad, squeeze it. Elicit the chandelier cry.
On Giving Our Class The Finger: I can get away with this here.
On Cigarrettes: Can't give up on those coffin nails.
On Safe Sex: When you're young, check out your partner's genitals.
On Osteomyelitis: Touch that foot. See it it's warm. If you're mad, squeeze it. Elicit the chandelier cry.
On Giving Our Class The Finger: I can get away with this here.
On Cigarrettes: Can't give up on those coffin nails.
Human Infectious Diseases #10
March 22, 2012
On The STD Lecture: This is not an endorsement, despite the music. (Proceeds to play this song:)
On Syphilis: This is a cool one...
On Syphilis (Lack of Reports/Spreading): People don't come in - they're out having sex, passing it around.
On Pap Smears: I have a speculum exam we could watch...
On The STD Lecture: This is not an endorsement, despite the music. (Proceeds to play this song:)
On Syphilis: This is a cool one...
On Syphilis (Lack of Reports/Spreading): People don't come in - they're out having sex, passing it around.
On Pap Smears: I have a speculum exam we could watch...
Human Infectious Diseases #9
March 20, 2012
On Music: I want to express to you the poetry of my soul. It can be green, it can be crimson fire...
On Teaching Gen Bio: Yes. I'm in purgatory.
On UTIs and Thongs: When you've got the thong, you've got the nice little subway system.
On Differential Diagnoses (Again): You could just be pregnant...
On Internal Ultrasounds:
Lube it up good. Give 'em something to make 'em happy.
When you've done a thousand of these, it's like driving a bike.
On Music: I want to express to you the poetry of my soul. It can be green, it can be crimson fire...
On Teaching Gen Bio: Yes. I'm in purgatory.
On UTIs and Thongs: When you've got the thong, you've got the nice little subway system.
On Differential Diagnoses (Again): You could just be pregnant...
On Internal Ultrasounds:
Lube it up good. Give 'em something to make 'em happy.
When you've done a thousand of these, it's like driving a bike.
Human Infectious Diseases #8
March 1 - 15, 2012
On Death:
What else did I miss? Something about death. Such a cheery subject, death is.
We come into this world alone, and we die alone.
On Sputum:
Old people love to show you their sputum in the hospital.
They're assisting in their own healthcare and that's great. It's not what I want to see at 6 in the
morning, but it's great.
It's like getting a urine sample... from a different place.
On Oxygen Chamber: High oxygen environment... don't light your Lucky Strikes around it.
On H5N1: May not become a problem, but it's GREAT for movies. (Take note, Hollywood. Y'all be gettin' lazy with your re-makes and your re-boots and your lack of creativity.)
On Covering STDs In Class: We've GOTTA do STDs.
On Skipping Class to Food Festival: I think we can go eat. I haven't eaten...
On Death:
What else did I miss? Something about death. Such a cheery subject, death is.
We come into this world alone, and we die alone.
On Sputum:
Old people love to show you their sputum in the hospital.
They're assisting in their own healthcare and that's great. It's not what I want to see at 6 in the
morning, but it's great.
It's like getting a urine sample... from a different place.
On Oxygen Chamber: High oxygen environment... don't light your Lucky Strikes around it.
On H5N1: May not become a problem, but it's GREAT for movies. (Take note, Hollywood. Y'all be gettin' lazy with your re-makes and your re-boots and your lack of creativity.)
On Covering STDs In Class: We've GOTTA do STDs.
On Skipping Class to Food Festival: I think we can go eat. I haven't eaten...
Human Infectious Diseases #7
February 23, 2012
On Babies (Again): Babies are slimy sometimes.
On An Amputated Leg: If you have a chance to grab one, hold on tight!
On Gas Gangrene: If it's red, it's not dead.
On Transmission of Enteroviral Pharyngitis: Watch out in the restaurants and stuff. (Ew. Never eating anywhere ever again)
On Herpes Simplex 4/EBV/Mono/Kissing Disease:
Swappin' spit... if you're doing the Four Loko...
"What are some symptoms?" "Fatigue." "TEA!?" "FATIGUE!"
"What would you give someone for fatigue?" "Amphetamine." "You'd give them amphetamine for a
year?!" "I was joking."
On Herpes: What happens with herpes? It's the gift that keeps on giving.
On Adoption Take-Backs: Buyer beware. Unless you're Juno, it goes well.
On Babies (Again): Babies are slimy sometimes.
On An Amputated Leg: If you have a chance to grab one, hold on tight!
On Gas Gangrene: If it's red, it's not dead.
On Transmission of Enteroviral Pharyngitis: Watch out in the restaurants and stuff. (Ew. Never eating anywhere ever again)
On Herpes Simplex 4/EBV/Mono/Kissing Disease:
Swappin' spit... if you're doing the Four Loko...
"What are some symptoms?" "Fatigue." "TEA!?" "FATIGUE!"
"What would you give someone for fatigue?" "Amphetamine." "You'd give them amphetamine for a
year?!" "I was joking."
On Herpes: What happens with herpes? It's the gift that keeps on giving.
On Adoption Take-Backs: Buyer beware. Unless you're Juno, it goes well.
Human Infectious Diseases #6
February 14, 2012
Spent Valentine's day drunk off mini-wines, feigning coherence in HID class. I think I did a good job.
On HPV: Can you laser those babies?
On Something I Can't Even Explain: You don't have to be exposing your genitals to the sun. You could be if you're at one of those beaches...
On Shingles: I purposely, when I put the new roof, said "MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HERPES!"
On Benign HFMD: It's gone off to la-la-land...
Spent Valentine's day drunk off mini-wines, feigning coherence in HID class. I think I did a good job.
On HPV: Can you laser those babies?
On Something I Can't Even Explain: You don't have to be exposing your genitals to the sun. You could be if you're at one of those beaches...
On Shingles: I purposely, when I put the new roof, said "MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HERPES!"
On Benign HFMD: It's gone off to la-la-land...
Human Infectious Diseases #5
February 2, 2012
On Children Getting Bruises: You're 3 years old. You're truckin'...
On Child Abuse: C'MERE YOU LITTLE -
On Being Yelled At In Surgery: You stupid piece of, uhh, beeeeeep.
On Children Getting Bruises: You're 3 years old. You're truckin'...
On Child Abuse: C'MERE YOU LITTLE -
On Being Yelled At In Surgery: You stupid piece of, uhh, beeeeeep.
Human Infectious Diseases #4
January 31, 2012
"Herpes is everywhere." (No context needed.)
On Spelling Assessment: Is it A-S-S? No pun intended.
On Children Being Gross: They've had their fingers on dog butts.
On Differential Diagnoses: Maybe they're just drunk!
On Med School Hazing: It's called pimpin'.
"Herpes is everywhere." (No context needed.)
On Spelling Assessment: Is it A-S-S? No pun intended.
On Children Being Gross: They've had their fingers on dog butts.
On Differential Diagnoses: Maybe they're just drunk!
On Med School Hazing: It's called pimpin'.
Human Infectious Diseases #3
January 24, 2012
On Doctors: Stupid doctor with the stethoscope.
On Tissue Cultures: They grow human embryonic stem cells A LOT here. That's a joke, of course. (funny since we're at a conservative school)
On HIV: Lots of males gettin' it. (could be taken two ways...)
On Keflex: MUY FUERTE!
On Orchitis: "Whoa, man! I bet that hurts!" "Understatement of the year. GIVE ME SOME DRUGS!" (Orchitis = swelling of testicles)
On Doctors: Stupid doctor with the stethoscope.
On Tissue Cultures: They grow human embryonic stem cells A LOT here. That's a joke, of course. (funny since we're at a conservative school)
On HIV: Lots of males gettin' it. (could be taken two ways...)
On Keflex: MUY FUERTE!
On Orchitis: "Whoa, man! I bet that hurts!" "Understatement of the year. GIVE ME SOME DRUGS!" (Orchitis = swelling of testicles)
Human Infectious Diseases #2
January 19, 2012
On Central Market: I can't afford Central Market.
On Gram Staining: Do you gram stain at home?
On Taking Samples: What's the first thing you do? Besides making sure they can pay...
On Viruses: Often it's the gift that keeps on giving. / Here's our friend HIV. Hepatitis is also a friend.
On Rabies: Bats carry rabies. I love bats.
On Fungi: Eat your fungi.
On Antibiotics: Antibiotics. They're good, but they're very, VERY bad.
On Protozoas: These are cool. And disgusting. At the same time.
On Central Market: I can't afford Central Market.
On Gram Staining: Do you gram stain at home?
On Taking Samples: What's the first thing you do? Besides making sure they can pay...
On Viruses: Often it's the gift that keeps on giving. / Here's our friend HIV. Hepatitis is also a friend.
On Rabies: Bats carry rabies. I love bats.
On Fungi: Eat your fungi.
On Antibiotics: Antibiotics. They're good, but they're very, VERY bad.
On Protozoas: These are cool. And disgusting. At the same time.
Intro to Human Infectious Diseases
Introduction to Human Infectious Diseases
January 17, 2012
I am still trying to figure out how to convey the context. I'll try my best...
On the Course Content: I won't even comment on the STDs.
On Fever: I LOVE fever! It's great.
On Hospital Cleanliness: I'm washing off the old patient.
On Fomites: Cell phones. They're nasty.
On Bathroom Cleanliness: I could probably go into the bathroom here and lick the toilet.
On Hepatitis: What's the other Hepatitis that's "IN" again?
On Hepatitis B: Jack in the Box. You're getting a Super Taco. I'll let your imagination finish that statement.
On Successful Pathogens: Can we equate this to being a successful student?
On Successful Pathogens Replicating Within Host: I'm not touching that one. (professor/student relationship innuendo)
On A Man With 106 Fever: He loved to drink Jack Daniels and do cocaine. What a combination! / Don't do cocaine and whiskey to excess in the park. Moral of the story.
On Manifestions of Infectious Diseases: Do you want to fight diarrhea? Or do you want to go with the flow?
On Rashes: I was never good at rashes. (but you're teaching them?)
January 17, 2012
I am still trying to figure out how to convey the context. I'll try my best...
On the Course Content: I won't even comment on the STDs.
On Fever: I LOVE fever! It's great.
On Hospital Cleanliness: I'm washing off the old patient.
On Fomites: Cell phones. They're nasty.
On Bathroom Cleanliness: I could probably go into the bathroom here and lick the toilet.
On Hepatitis: What's the other Hepatitis that's "IN" again?
On Hepatitis B: Jack in the Box. You're getting a Super Taco. I'll let your imagination finish that statement.
On Successful Pathogens: Can we equate this to being a successful student?
On Successful Pathogens Replicating Within Host: I'm not touching that one. (professor/student relationship innuendo)
On A Man With 106 Fever: He loved to drink Jack Daniels and do cocaine. What a combination! / Don't do cocaine and whiskey to excess in the park. Moral of the story.
On Manifestions of Infectious Diseases: Do you want to fight diarrhea? Or do you want to go with the flow?
On Rashes: I was never good at rashes. (but you're teaching them?)
WELCOME TO SLAUGHTER SAYS!
Congratulations! You've found Slaughter Says, the blog dedicated to the anecdotes and hilarious sayings of Anatomy/Physiology professor, Dr. Slaughter. No, I'm serious, that's really his name. Appropriate, right?
Over the years, I (like many others, I'm sure,) have collected quotes from Dr. Slaughter. I finally had the brilliant idea to have a site where I can share the hilarious things he says. If you have any, please feel free to contact me and send me your quotes. You will be acknowledged (initials to protect privacy), and greatly appreciated. ENJOY!!!
<3
Over the years, I (like many others, I'm sure,) have collected quotes from Dr. Slaughter. I finally had the brilliant idea to have a site where I can share the hilarious things he says. If you have any, please feel free to contact me and send me your quotes. You will be acknowledged (initials to protect privacy), and greatly appreciated. ENJOY!!!
<3
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